I received this hilarious forward on my email. A "mast" share if there was one.
Just as the national bird of Kerala is Mosquito, her national dress is'Lungi'. Pronounced as 'Lu' as in loo and 'ngi ' as in 'mongey', a
lungi can be identified by its floral or window-curtain pattern.
'Mundu' is the white variation of lungi and is worn on special
occasions like hartal or bandh days, weddings and Onam.
'Lungi' is simple and 'down to earth' like the mallu wearing it. Lungi
is the beginning and the end of evolution in its category. Wearing
something on the top half of your body is optional when you are
wearing a lungi. Lungi is a strategic dress. It's like a
one-size-fits-all bottoms for Keralites! The technique of wearing a lungi/mundu is passed on from generation to
generation through word of mouth like the British Constitution. If you
think it is an easy task wearing it, just try it once! It requires
techniques like breath control and yoga that is a notch higher than
sudarshan kriya of AOL. A lungi/mundu when perfectly worn won't come
off even in a quake of 8 on the richter scale. A lungi is not attached
to the waist using duct tape, staple, rope or velcro. It's a bit of
Mallu magic, whose formula is a closely guarded secret like the Coca
Cola chemicals. A lungi can be worn 'Full Mast' or 'Half Mast' like a national flag. A
'Full Mast' lungi is when you are showing respect to an elderly or the
dead. Wearing it at full mast has lots of disadvantages. A major
disadvantage is when a dog runs after you. When you are wearing a
lungi/mundu at full mast, the advantage is mainly for the female
onlookers who are spared the ordeal of swooning at the sight of hairy legs. Wearing a lungi 'Half Mast' is when you wear it exposing yourself like
those C grade movie starlets. A mallu can play cricket, football or
'simbly' run when the lungi is worn at half mast. A mallu can even
climb a coconut tree wearing lungi in half mast. "It's not good manners, especially for ladies from decent families, to
look up at a mallu climbing a coconut tree….."- Confucius (or is it
Abdul Kalam?) Most mallus do the traditional dance kudiyattam. Kudi means drinking
alcohol and yattam, spelled as aattam, means random movement of the
male body. Note that 'y' is silent. When you are drinking, you drink,
there is no 'y'. Any alcohol related "festival" can be enjoyed to the
maximum when you are topless with lungi and a towel tied around the
head. "Half mast lungi makes it easy to dance and shake
legs", says Candelaria Amaranto, a Salsa teacher from Spain after
watching 'kudiyaattam'. The 'Lungi Wearing Mallu Union' [LUWMU, pronounced LOVE MU], an NGO
which works towards the 'upliftment' of the lungi, strongly disapprove
of the GenNext tendency of wearing Burmuda under the lungi. Burmuda
under the lungi is a conspiracy by the CIA. It's a disgrace to see a
person wearing burmuda with corporate logos under his lungi. What they
don't know is how much these corporates are limiting their freedom of
movement and expression. A mallu wears lungi round the year, all weather, all season. A mallu celebrates
winter by wearing a colourful lungi with a floral pattern. Lungi
provides good ventilation and brings down the heat between legs. A
mallu is scared of global warming more than anyone else in the world.
A lungi/mundu can be worn any time of the day/night. It doubles as
blanket at night. It also doubles up as a swing, swimwear, sleeping
bag, parachute, facemask while entering/exiting toddy shops, shopping
basket and water filter while fishing in ponds and rivers. It also has
recreational uses like in 'Lungi/mundu pulling', a pastime in
households having more than one male member. Lungi pulling
competitions are held outside toddy shops all over Kerala during Onam
and Vishu. When these lungis are decommissioned from service, they
become table cloths. Thus the humble lungi is a cradle to grave appendage.
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